the jaded viewer

Ink

Ink (2009)

Directed by Jamin Winans

Terry Gilliam and David Lynch would be impressed by Ink.

In the world of indie cinema, most films go into generic period pieces of romantic dramedies. Rarely do you see a film that boldly attempts to be ambitiously creative and visually stimulating. It's always the big studios that go ga ga and make movies with CGI porn and non existent plots.

But Jamin Winan's Ink is a movie that defies the stereotype of independent cinema. The Denver based director has made an adult fairy tale that paints surrealism and story on a canvas of dreams.

It has everything you would like to see in a movie. A deeply thought out story, very honest and interesting characters, top notch CGI, a look and feel like no other other movie I've ever seen. Would you not pay to see this?

Well, it seems last week nobody was actually paying for it as Ink became one of the most downloaded movies on BitTorrent. I can't stop you from d-loading it but I can tell you why it's been getting the praise and the downloads.

After watching Ink, I'll say straight out, it's one of the best indie movies I've ever seen.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

As the light fades and the city goes to sleep, two forces emerge. They are invisible except for the power they exert over us in our sleep, battling for our souls through dreams. One force delivers hope and strength through good dreams; the other infuses the subconscious with desperation through nightmares.

John (Chris Kelly) and Emma (Quinn Hunchar), Father and Daughter are wrenched into this fantastical dream world battle, forced to fight for John's soul and to save Emma from an eternal nightmare. Separate in their journey, they encounter unusual characters that exist only in their subconscious. Or do they?

Ink is a high-concept visual thriller that weaves seamlessly between the conscious and the subconscious. Ink has been hailed as the new "it" movie.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

The filmmakers have compared that film to Alex Proyas's Dark City, Kelly's Donnie Darko and Del Toro's Pan's Labyrinth. It mostly resembles Pan's in its surreal world of light vs dark. I like to think it has a comparison to Terry Gilliam's Time Bandits and The Adventures of Baron Munchausen as well. But honestly, I can try to think of other movies it feels like, but Ink feels like well....Ink.

We've always been told in story or fairy tale that there is a world between sleep and wake. This is Ink. Winan has created a mythos where "Storytellers", beings who create our good dreams battle Incubuses (who grin evily, wear large glasses and have window shaped TV paintings in front of their face) who give us nightmares. Oh it seems Legion-ish yes, but the parallel is all Lifetime Movie of the Week (in a good way) where a father John tries to connect back with his daughter Emma.

So what the hell is this about you may be asking?

In the middle of a suburban night, a mysterious dream scavenger named Ink (who wears a patchwork cloak and has a large nose) kidnaps Emma's dream soul (she is in a coma in real life) to bring to the Incubi so he can join their nightmare clan. In a very jamtastic opening battle, Emma is protected by the Storytellers or dream angels (who look like young 20 somethings from Hot Topic).

The battles play out invisible to the real world. And in this aspect I was impressed. Kicks and punch, kung fu madness destroy the settings they are in. A house's tables, cabinets and windows are all destroyed during the battle but reintegrated and fixed in milliseconds. I gotta admit, it is an impressive visual, done a little Matrixy but done super duper well.

Ink, now with Emma in tow takes her on a journey into this styilized universe of dreams and nightmares. The visuals are a surrealistic journey into metaphors and subconscious nightmares. Sort of like Eraserhead and Tetsuo but slightly calmer and in enhanced HD. The dreamworld we see is like your TV with the brightness at 100.

Later they are joined by another Storyteller who is taken prisoner and soon plays friend to young Emma. Ink soon realizes he has to find 2 codes in the dreamworld to gain access to complete his mission, deliver Emma to the Incubus to become one of them.

In the parallel story is John, Emma's father. He has become a hardnosed businessman who lost custody of Emma to her grandparents after his wife died. We see his life become all about his work and a very uber emoticon scene has John confront his father in law who he blames her his loss (for both his wife and daughter).

John's journey is told in quick glimpsey flashbacks, as we see good times with his wife and the aftermath of her death. However, John is helped by the band of 3 storytellers and a Pathfinder who try to keep the Incubi (who've manipulated John to keep to his current fate) away from him. The storytellers objective is simple. Help John and Emma reconnect and save two souls.

Got all that?

Well, once you watch the movie it all becomes very clear and non ambigious as I just described. There are alot of different things all happening at the same time which is why the movie clocks in at 140 minutes.

One of the most impressive scenes has got to be the "chain reaction" created by the Pathfinder which ultimately helps John find his daughter. Winans connects scenes that occur on a city block, random occurrences all blending together to accomplish a car crash. Simply a fantastic scene that pushes the plot and turned out genius in design.

Ink is full of humor, action, drama and pure mesmerizing visual candy. The performance by Chris Kelly is stellar. Playing John's downfall and redemption is striking to watch and by the end, he'll surprise you with his other role. Newcomer Quinn Hunchar's Emma was Dora the Explorer uber fun.

The only gripe is it's fragmented structure and John's narrative being a little over done. It's a little con in a near perfect film. Many of our mythological beings are also not made clear, but when you attempt to watch something that's intellectually stimulating as well as artistically challenging, that's bound to happen.

Ink is the sleeper hit of 2009. I had posted the trailer in February and it intrigued me then. After having watched it I can only say I am not doing it justice in my review. It stands alone as something you have to experience for yourself. So stop downloading Zombieland and buy, rent or Netflix Ink.

Because when you watch Ink, you may forget if your awake or sleeping.

WTF moment

Who is Ink?

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Please don't torrent this. It's now available via Amazon.com DVD and comes out on Blu Ray on November 24th. It's also on Netflix and iTunes as well.

The DVD is full good stuff too. Special features include a Behind the Scenes featurette and a very cute interview between Chris and Quinn.

Head over to the official site as well for some uber awesome Ink goodies as well as the Facebook and Twitter pages.

Rating:

1/2

jaded viewer related linkage:
Ink (Trailer)
Ink Screening

Tags:
ink, ink review , ink trailer , indie movie 2009, surreal movies, independent cinema blog, ink torrent

Labels: independent cinema, ink, ink torrent, ink trailer, Jamin Winans, pan's labyrinth

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

I've never seen Twilight and I have no intention of ever seeing this twat-tard of a trilogy. But I do have a fascination of the mythos of vampire lore. I'm not talking about ancient Lestaty type crap but the fact that popular culture (be it books, TV, film and the Interwebs) have given a bunch of rules for vampires to have to deal with.

Insano Steve hates any monsters or supernatural beings that are hindered by rules that prevent them from eating, devouring or killing helpless young teenagers. I agree. It's just a drag that vampires are now burdened by so many laws and barriers that prevent them from sinking their teeth into some young hottie.

So let's analyze a few of these supposed rules and weaknesses the present day vampire has to deal with.

1.) Sunlight

the jaded viewer says: Why does sunlight kill vampires? Nobody knows. This is just plain dumb. Ooooh creatures of the night right? Tons of good shit happens during the day. Baseball games, picnics. Vamps need to get some coffee too. Recent vampire lore has broken this rule recently. I mean honestly, this is such a freakin handicap for vamps it's totally unfair. Half their day is completely shot. Let's just waive this one from the books.

2.) Reflection not seen in mirror

the jaded viewer says: How does one comb ones hair? Just cross this rule out. Dude needs to shave and the femvamps need to apply makeup. Nobody wants to see an ugly vamp right?

3.) Holy Water

the jaded viewer says: Holy water don't work against werewolves, zombies or demons. Why vamps? This one is totally goofy. Next!

4.) Garlic

the jaded viewer says: In the history of monster mythos, only the vampire could be threatened by a white, smelly vegetable. Jeez.

5.) Silver

the jaded viewer says: Why not copper? How about gold? Nickel?


6.) Crosses

the jaded viewer says: In Dracula 2000, they pulled out the Judas card explaining vamps were descendants of Judas which is why they hate crosses because it reminds them of Judas's betrayal of Christ. But do you realize that all you need to do is put 2 sticks together and cross them and you got a ADT security system MacGyver style. How's a vamp going to get some when all you need to do is put your arms together and give the Degeneration X symbol?

6.) The Invitation

the jaded viewer says: Well this one begs the question of "What qualifies as a home where a blood sucker has to get invited too?" Say I got a vacation house in the Hamptons...am I still protected? And the invitation reply is so ambigious. How about if I don't make rent for the month...its not my home anymore technically. Can they still enter? Still gotta love the scene in Let the Right One In on the vamp invitation rule being broken by poor Eli. (Check out the scene here)

7.) Holy Ground

the jaded viewer says: They can't enter churches? How about synagogues? Mosques? Temples? How about if I have one of those "Bless my Cubicle" sign. Can they come in?

8.) Wooden Stakes

the jaded viewer says: Not much to say here but if vampires were real, Walmart would sell wooden stakes for $5.99.

9.) The whole counting grain thing

the jaded viewer says: Jeez. That's like forcing people to watch Ernest goes to Camp movies over and over again.

10.) Can't cross running water

the jaded viewer says: So if I'm being chased by a vamp and it starts to rain...I'm cool?

11.) Feed on blood or die

the jaded viewer says: Thank goodness for True Blood.

I can't think of the others. Maybe thats all of them. Honestly, all these rules have totally made vamps seriously disadvantaged. If you kill a vamp, it's like their civil rights have been fucked with. I mean yeah they got super human strength, awesome teeth and that living forever thing is kinda neat. But if they go outside, they're pretty much toast.

Blade 2's reapers kinda made some uber vamps a little more scary but the generic vamps are totally screwed. I'm sure we can rewrite some of these dumb rules and come up with a good list that keeps em a little evil and very frightening. Hell, get rid of all these rules and start fresh. I'm sure we can make a better, more intimidating creature of the night.

Finally, I think somebody should make zombies vs vampires. That would be a totally awesome monster PPV right?

Labels: buffy the vampire slayer, let the right one in, twilight, vampire kids, vampires

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

The Canyon

The Canyon (2009)

Directed by Richard Harrah

Remember when the Brady Bunch went to visit the Grand Canyon? Wow what an adventure that was. A ghost town, a gold digger, little indian boy in trouble. What a family vacation!

Well, this is totally the opposite.

Lori (Yvonne Strahovski) and Nick (Eion Bailey) are your stereotypical newlyweds who instead of going to Hawaii and getting stalked by killers or going to Mexico to check out some ruins they take a mule ride to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.

You gotta love the dumb, urban couple that tries to take on mother fuckin nature.

Don't worry folks. Nature wins.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A survival story about a honeymooning couple who get lost in the wide expanse of the Grand Canyon.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

I've been to the Grand Canyon. It's an awesome place. Full of awe and wonder and really damn hot. But as a kick ass born and bred New Yorker, I for one will never pretend I'm Mr. Survival Man.

So lets condense this badboy into some juicy nuggets of prepackaged info. They consumate the marriage, they hire a eccentric guide, and then they tour uncharted canyon lore.

So lets pretend you're the character Nick in The Canyon and you have to Choose Your Own Adventure, here's some of the choices you may have to make....(spoilers ahead!)


1.) The Grand Canyon is out of hiking permits, do you....

Wait until next year and go have more sex at the motel. Turn to page 63.

Hire an eccentric odd man you meet at the bar to be your guide. Turn to page 2.

2.) You are completely lost in the Grand Canyon, your guide was just bitten by a rattlesnake and has died and you've walked 3 hours in scorching heat. You now are faced with a large mountain in your way.....

Backtrack and reverse course hoping you can make up the time you lost. Turn to page 93.

Say, "Fuck it!". I can climb this mountain. I've seen it on American Gladiators, it didn't look so tough. Hey I might fall and break my leg in a very grotesque fashion, but at least my hot wife can comfort me with her spectacular cleavage. Turn to page 69.

3.) Your leg is now completely broken and you can have your wife do one of two things...

Send her to get help all alone and leave you to probably die a slow and painful death. Turn to page 76.

Have her amputate your leg with a rusty knife (yeah it's going to hurt a fuckin lot). Turn to page 54.

4.) Your wife gets attacked by a pack of hungry, wild coyotes do you....

Help her fight these animals off, sacrificing yourself for her. Turn to page 104.

Pretend your passed out from that unscheduled surgery. Turn to page 48.

5.) After not eating for 3 days, suffering from heat exhaustion and your leg being infected do you...

Die. Turn to page 66.

Die after help turns up. Turn to page 66.

Its a long, slow burn of a movie that like the canyon goes on forever. Best to avoid this movie, book a trip to Arizona and see the real thing.

The Canyon has such big illogics in it, characters that feel blah and many other WTFs. Killer, coyotes?!? Really?

The best part is seeing Yvonne Strahovski's awesome cleavage. Yeah I said it.

Gore-ipedia

Unscheduled leg surgery

Nude-ipedia

Yvonne Strahovski's awesome cleavage

WTF moment

Smart coyotes?!?!

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

The Grand Canyon is an awesome place. It's truly an 8th wonder of the world and everybody should go at least once to the Canyon.

Seeing The Canyon isn't a substitute. It's a waste of 100 minutes. Flip over to the Discovery Channel instead if you wanna see the awesomness.

Or to NBC's Chuck to see Yvonne Strahovski's awesome boobies.

The Canyon was released on DVD yesterday November 17th. It's available via Amazon.com.


Rating:

Tags:
the canyon, the canyon trailer , the canyon review , 2009 horror movies, the ruins, turistas, a perfect getaway, gratuitous nudity, milla jovovich, vacation horror, tourist horror, horror blog

Labels: 2009 horror dvd, 2009 horror movies, 2009 horror trailers, the canyon

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

I don't know how I missed this debut trailer of Wapakman after being overcome with Manny "Pacman" Pacquiao hype over the last few days. But after seeing him demolish Miguel Cotto on Saturday night and retaining the prestige as the best pound for pound boxer in the world, after watching 4 24/7 episodes on HBO and hearing him sing on Jimmy Kimmel, you'd think I'd be all over this (I posted the teaser a while back)

Better late than never, right

Manny Pacquiao is the hero of the Philippines, an athlete who is regarded as the best boxer by all. He's defeated the best of the best. Marquez, Morales, Barerra, De La Hoya, Hatton and now Cotto. And so seeing him battle a hot vixen with supersonic breasts, a lava man and a giant crab should be no problem right?

Wapakman is going to rival any zany or insane Japanese movie with its crazininess. Here be the plot.

Magno is an ordinary man whose world revolves around his five kids while his wife, Magda, works as a nurse in Italy. One night Magno meets an accident. A car crashes into his truck and, upon impact, a big explosion takes place. Miraculously, Magno survives unscathed. The blowup is caused by Walo-walo, an organic substance which stores energy that is almost as powerful as nuclear energy. Soon, he wakes up and feels like a new man. Lighter. Faster. Stronger. Interestingly, his newfound powers start helping him become a better dad. His wish of being faster, smarter and stronger for his family is coming true. He assumes the identity of their favorite superhero - WAPAKMAN!

Soon, Magno learns that Magda has come back to take the kids with her to Italy. Magno wants his family to be together - happy and whole. He doesn't want to let go of the kids. But can he be a good dad in the eyes of his kids and still be a superhero? Magno knows that with Wapakman around the world will be a much safer place for his kids. This is a responsibility he just can not turn away from, but if it means losing his kids ... Can he give up being a superhero if it means saving the world? It is the hardest choice he has ever had to face and he must make a decision. Fast!

Directed by Topel Lee, and also starring Batista (from the WWE) and some other top Filipino stars, the movie is scheduled for release in the Philippines on Christmas Day, December 25th.

Enjoy the awesome trailer courtesy of Twitch.

Labels: filipino horror, manny pacquiao, philippines, takashi miike, wapakman, wapakman teaser, wapakman trailer

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Hot off the presses from the jaded viewer inbox of awesomness is a little short entitled Wade. Thanks to director Haynze Whitmore who sent me a screener of the film. After watching the trailers (you can see them all below) I was expecting a zombie exploitation flick. It's a little of both and you can see bits of Ash in the titular character.

Here be the plot.

WADE is a short film about a war hero that has to adapt to a small town after serving years in the armed forces. He takes a job as a bug exterminator and often feels the urge to go head to head combat with the bugs using army artillery. Disaster strikes when a chemical company does illegal spilling of a bizarre toxic waste and begins turning people into the living dead. Wade has to go back to his roots as a solder and save this small town from damnation.

the jaded viewer says: Whitmore filmed this short in Cheboygan, Michigan on what indie film directors call "a shoe string budget". Unfortunately it shows. The grindhouse, staticky feel got my gore adrenaline pumped early on but when we're introduced to Wade, it's hard to like our anti-hero asshole. He's got a scratchy voice, a severe smoking addiction and hates on everyone. As opposed to Ash, who uses humor and sarcasm, Wade comes off a little difficult to like. But I guess that's his charm. Raspy voice, wifebeater and muscle car. That's Wade in a nutshell.

Wade's day as a bug exterminator has him smoke bombing a lady's house, yelling at his GF, drinking the booze and investigating zombie slaughter. The good stuff finally comes in buckets and drum full of top notch gore and splatter. Zombies attack, zombies eat flesh and zombies get capped via headshots. In the shadow of darkness, Whitmore pulls off some good effects that Raimi would applaud. The movie is very surreal as well, combining some over the top performances from the cast with a hoola hooping girl trio music number.

Overall, Whitmore does his best to compact Wade's story into a short of a would be feature film. I am amazed by the drive indie filmmakers have when making their ideas come to life. You have to applaud the effort by Haynze Whitmore and his crew for making dare I say a first...an exploitation/zombie film. It's a first effort that can only get better on the more than likely sequel.










Wade was screened at the Madison Horror Festival and had two nominations and one win at the Terror Film Festival in Philly. Head over to the MySpace site for more information.

Labels: the shortround, wade

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

It's been a while since a featured some crazy Japanese splatter and gore flick. But if there is one to point out, it has to be from the mind of Kengo Kaji, who wrote Toky Gore Police (full review here). Here he wrote and directs Samurai Princess which is just more insanity and gore (with effects from Yoshihiro Nishimura) and starring Aino Kishi and Mihiro, two Japanese AV stars (thats Japanese porn stars for the uninitiated)

With porn stars in the lead...do I really need to actually give you plot? OK, see below.

When 11 of her friends are raped and murdered, leaving the Samurai Princess (adult video star Aino Kishi) the only survivor, she becomes infused with her comrades' souls. Transformed into an android, she sets out to avenge their deaths. Dai Mizuno co-stars as the princess's human partner in this Kengo Kaji-directed gore fest that features breast grenades, detachable chainsaw limbs, deadly guitar riffs and more.

Check out the trailer below. The DVD comes out November 17th.





Well now that's over with, I know you wanna see pictures of boobies right?

Labels: aino kishi, gore, japan av stars, japan av stars nude, mihiro, samurai princess, samurai princess trailer, splatter, splatter gore, tokyo gore police

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

It's Friday the 13th! Don't worry, this is not a Friday the 13th retrospective or anything. But I was thinking some of us (the horror bloggers) have watched a great deal of horror flicks. Some of us are even potential filmmakers. We've all said...I can make a better movie than that!

But really, do we actually have better ideas of what a good horror movie could be? Well I think I do. Hopefully nobody steals my idea, but if they do, please give me some damn credit.

Here is my idea for a flick. I got this inspiration after watching Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (which I ranked #1 in my Top Horror Movies of 2007). I also got some ideas after seeing the teaser posters for Joss Whedon's Cabin in the Woods. As you can tell from my writing style on my reviews and posts and reviewing Dollhouse, I'm a Whedonaniac. I just like the quirky dialogue and the funny convos and the characters he's written and created.

So my idea is a self aware horror film. What's it called?

It's called "Final Girl".

Basically its about a girl who learns how to defeat slashers (she learns her skills from an aging final girl and this is done via a gratuitous 80s montage) and goes from town to town and kills slasher legends who are killing dumb, oversexed and drug smoking teens.

Sounds generic right?

The twist here is she goes undercover, infiltrates the teens that are being stalked and slaughtered and then unleashes her final girl fury. She knows all the tricks of the trade. Like how to survive by not running aimlessly, she doesn't partake in any vices, she does the research necessary to kill the killer, she listens to the crazy old man and she's seen all the things other final girls have done to avoid death and survive.

Sorta like Buffy, but referencing final girls of other horror films, it'll be totally self aware. Possible winks to the audience of what they know. Everybody has written rules on how to survive a horror movie, but our main final girl will know all these rules and written a few of her own.

Obviously the sequel would be "Final Dude".

Well that's my idea. Now, I'm curious as to what yours would be? Do you have an idea for a horror movie or did you actually make a short or feature? If so, what was the story, the idea?

If you don't want to share because you think somebody will steal it...I totally understand. But if you had an idea for a horror movie that you think people would like to hear...please share.

So what's your story idea horror minions?

Labels: Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon, buffy the vampire slayer, final girl, horror movies, joss whedon, the thread

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post